Using the art of marveling to keep your heart soft for your spouse in difficult times
By: Danisha Reed, LPC, ACS
Marriage in this world many times is seen as an upgrade to singleness. This could not be farther from
the truth! Men and women push to the mark of marriage as if it is the end goal of life. Marriage, in fact,
is a choice. Some may desire marriage and others do not give it a thought. I love the verse in the bible
where it says, “But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain
aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a
thought. Others never get asked – or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom
reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.” Mathew 19:11-12
(MSG). The LARGENESS of marriage? I wonder if this is referring to being stretched as an individual
spouse from a shoe size of 6 to a size 20! Well, if that is the case, who would choose this path? Perhaps
a person who desires to use marriage as a way to become less selfish. Perhaps a person who desires to
share, partner, and join forces to collide with purpose!
In marriage, there will be no shortage of difficulties, miscommunication, and the ebbs and flows of
expression of love. Through it all, having a healthy and soft heart will be hugely important. A soft heart is
flexible, forgiving, and that of a servant’s heart. When we are busing serving, we have a forgiving view of
our spouse (most of the time..lol). Nevertheless, setting a personal goal of having a soft heart through
adversity will allow you to see life more clearly, and see your spouse in a different light.
So, how does one keep a soft heart, especially if their childhood was not peaches and cream, and
present frustrations are at an all-time high? Tough right?
Well, have you heard of “marveling?” It is the art of filling yourself up with positivity, wonder, and all
the oowee goowee feelings you have about yourself or others…allowing thoughts and memories to
linger like honey. You know honey is sweet, thick, sort of has an after taste, hard to get rid of the sticky
substance…..yeah like that. Intentionally having a thought or memory to linger JUST LIKE HONEY…ON
PURPOSE! When you do this, you may have a sense of warmness in your body, maybe some watery
eyes, maybe a smile. What is happening to you? You, my friend, are marveling, and marveling looks
good on you and is healthy for the heart. This can happen at your will! Many times this will happen in
life when you least expect it. But, how about considering making this an art that you practice on
purpose? How about in the toughest of times, retreat to your safe place in the home, and practice
marveling so you can give your best self to the people you love? It is possible. Marveling can be an
added tool you secretly use to allow your communication and interaction with others to be more
pleasant, especially when it comes to your spouse. Being a better you each day, can be challenging,
however, not impossible. You got this! Happy Marveling!
SUGAR Tip: Go to a peaceful place in your home or car and think of a fond memory or a characteristic of
your spouse that is positive. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Go ahead, let your mind linger on this thought
like honey, laugh to yourself, smile, celebrate this moment. When the alarm stops, go to your spouse
and share what you just did. I am sure, feeling softer will minimize the difficulty and maximize the
memory.