Navigating healthy dating in 2021, what you need to know to avoid heartbreak
By: Danisha Reed, LPC, ACS
Why is dating so hard nowadays. Boy meets girl, girl likes guy, then VOILA! Right? Wrong! With
advance new technology, with rising rates of divorce, relationships are more like a sport and
recreation. Moving further and further away from what they were designed for. The dating
culture is filled with broken and hurt individuals who refused to heal up from deep wounds.
Instead, they prefer to just bleed on anyone in their path, which then carries on the tradition of
“hurt people, hurt people.” Why do you even bother? Why do you even put yourself out there
and make yourself available, if you will get hurt, over and over again? Well, there is no love
without risk. Such a brave soul you are (smile).
Well if you are going to date, lets date effectively, lets date with a purpose, and lets date in a
healthy way. Shall we? Okay so boom! Answer this question for me…Who are you? Your
purpose on this earth, kind of an existential question, I know. But it is important in order to
know who will come with you on this journey of life moving forward. Identity is the most crucial
part of your existence. When you know who you are and what you are purposed for, you will
easily see who is coming with you on your journey, because they will be packing suitable and
compatible characteristics needed for purpose. When you are not aware of your purpose or
your identity, most often than not, you will find yourself abusing and misusing yourself and
others. This is why the dating culture is broken, a bunch of question marks running around
looking for a warm bed. if you knew your destination when planning a road trip and looking for
a companion to travel with, chances are they will be packing similar or compatible items. If you
are going to the Bahamas, you will need a person to be packing several bathing suits and
sunblock to say the least. You would swipe past the person in the eskimo suit, you would swipe
past the person wearing snow boots because they are not dressed for where you are going. It
wouldn’t matter how good looking they were, they are not a good fit for where you are going.
Simple. Are you picking up what I am putting down? I figured you would. Now, why are you
dating? This is the second part of question One. Simple question, but there will be a variety of
answers. Marriage? Friendship? Socialization? Boredom? When you answer these questions,
they will lead you to how you prepare and also what you are looking for when dating.
How does the saying go? When you fail to plan, you plan to fail? Well, preparing is a healthy
step in dating, down to the very perfume or cologne you will wear soley for dating. It is
important and healthy to be self-aware of insecurities before dating, so you are freely able to
be yourself and comfortable to discuss important topics that me uncomfortable. If there are
insecurities that you can address, then be in the process of addressing them. Dating healthy is
NOT the absence of insecurities. Instead, it is being aware of them work on being comfortable
with them so they do not impede on healthy dating. I will give you an example of a session I had
with a couple who came for couples counseling. A wife reported her husband is not happy with
her weight and feels he gets on her about diet and exercise. The husband reported he loves his
wife’s weight, but she is not happy with her weight so he wants to help her be more
comfortable. He further stated that since she loves smoothies, he will make her one every
morning. His wife replied, “I know I have to lose weight, you do not have to throw it in my
face!”
You see, when we have insecurities, they sometimes speak for us when triggered. Can you
imagine how this can end up being a date cut short? Real quick! If you are going to give dating a
fare and healthy shot, be self-aware of any insecurities, so insecurities do not speak for you.
Things can get really awkward. Preparation can be a fun process. Instead of you feeling like you
are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, perhaps you are preparing for that person by answering the
simple questions of identity and purpose, and being ahead of your insecurities so they are
checked. For more ways to prepare for dating, read my book, “You are Worth It!” which is
available on Amazon, Kindle, and Barnes and Nobles. This is a 30-day awareness tool of
preparation to get you on the fast track of dating and finding companionship. You are Definitely
Worth It!
https://www.amazon.com/You-Worth-Danisha-Deans-
Cctp/dp/1545621969/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=you+are+worth+it+danisha&qid=16131
78046&sr=8-1
